Dear Theophilus,

a life on mission is the only one worth living.

I encountered Jesus in a real and powerful way that shifted the course of my life when I was 12 years old. I had known Jesus as a friend ever since I was little and could see how He was present, but I encountered Him in a real and powerful way when I needed Him to the most.

At the age of 12, I was trying to figure out who I was, what others thought of me, what purpose I had here on this earth, and if any. I had a moment where I had a traumatic knee injury and everything I had ever known or believed in God was ripped away and I was to say the least, livid. 

I went into a year of despair, laying in my bed at night, trying to search for some sort of purpose and wondering what my life actually meant, because deep down, I knew I was made for something more, I knew that my life was made for more than what I was living for, but time and time again I kept falling up short.

And then everything changed.

Because there was a Man that had been pursuing and longing for my heart, that sought to fulfill every desire, that longed to embrace me so that I could finally rest and know the love that my heart knew I was made for, and I finally met Him.

I encountered Jesus on a cold, dark November night in the middle of a church in the middle of nowhere. I don’t know why I ended up at that church other than the fact that my mom said there would be music. But something compelled me to actually voice what I had been shoving down in my heart and mind for so long.

‘Jesus, do you even love me?’ I spoke to Him in desperation, 5 feet away from Jesus in the monstrance.

And then boom.

‘Ell, I love you and I always have,’ I heard Him speak to ME. And in that moment, all fear, depression, self-hate, anxiety fell away. For finally what my heart had been searching for had been found, and in such a new, deep, authentic way.

And from that moment on, I knew it had always been Him, and it would always be Him. At the age of 12, my life had been completely transformed, my mind renewed, to see that it was only Him, and that living my life for Him was all that mattered.

Because I knew that He gave everything for me, and He was going to keep doing that, and how could I not give everything back to Him?

I couldn’t pin the word ‘mission’ to my life, but I knew the Lord was placing a desire to live a life for Him, and I knew I didn’t know how to do it perfectly, but I would sure as heck try.

Because I saw the ways that He transformed me on that November night in the middle of nowhere, but I also saw the ways that that encounter was feeding into my day to day life: how I responded to my friends and family, how I didn’t let what others thought get the better of me, or how I was trying to love God and to love others in everything that I did.

And my life became so much more fulfilling. Because the more that I gave myself away and let Jesus use me in whatever way He wanted to, the more in love with life and with others and with Him I became. I realized the more that I did it that my life was not meant for me, but it was meant for others, and the more that I gave away the more satisfied I became.

Because with Jesus, that’s the beautiful paradox: in the complete pouring out, the emptying, is the exact place where He pours in so much more.

So I kept living this life for Him. I fell more in love with Him, especially in having many more encounters with Him that confirmed what He was calling me to, me frequenting the sacraments, and starting a daily prayer life. 

There were hardships and things that Jesus called me into that I for sure didn’t want to do, but I knew that He was going to give me the strength to do it. Whether it would be walking up to a kid in my high school and asking to pray for healing with them, or speaking up in my catholic school about my experience of God, or talking with the outcast kid or someone who had different views than me, I would try my best to do what I felt like God was asking me to do.

Because He is the only one found worthy, and I knew that with everything in me.

And when I came towards the end of high school, I knew that this desire to serve Him in this way had only grown since when I had first met Him. And I knew that He had more for me. So, I made the decision to go against the flow of what my other classmates were doing and answer the call to be a missionary.

I joined a 2 year missionary program called Damascus, that seeks to awaken, empower, and equip a generation to live out their Catholic faith and to build life long missionaries. I had been blessed and impacted by Damascus in my own life throughout high school and I truly believe that Damascus is answering a call to raise up the next generation to live the call to mission.

And throughout my two years on mission, I served almost 10,000 hours in youth ministry. Sure, that’s a pretty impressive statistic, but more impressive than that was seeing the Lord work and seeing the thousands of kids’ lives being transformed just as mine did so many years ago. I saw kids just like me that were hungry and desperate to know who they were, what their life’s purpose was, and if they were loved, and without fail: Jesus would show up and encounter them, leaving them completely transformed.

And with me living a life on mission, I get to see this first hand, I get to facilitate in what the Lord is working and doing. And I’m so imperfect, but His grace is enough and He calls me good. Sure, I have days where I want to push away and run from the call of mission, because something else is easier, but then I sit there and remember that He has more, He will provide, and He is the only One worth following.

Living a life on mission is the only one worth living. Because you were made for mission, but also because so many people are so desperately in need to know HIM.

And throughout my two years, and a theme that the Lord has revealed to me since I first met Him, is that His Heart breaks for His children and He so desperately is after each and everyone of His children in every moment. And He calls US worthy to be conduits of stepping in to be His hands and feet here and now.

And whether you feel like you’re ready or not, or worthy or not, or holy or not, who are we to say that when Jesus calls to us that we are worthy, good, called, to say no? What did the disciples feel when Jesus called them from their boats? They probably felt super under prepared but they knew there was more for them and He was it.

I have recently just graduated from this 2 year missionary program, and I thought about how sad it would be for me to walk out of those 2 years and never live another day on mission. Just because my season is changing doesn’t mean that mission stops. No, because even in the change of seasons, He is still calling us to more, and what a beautiful gift that is!

Something else that the Lord has shown me is that mission is every moment. Sure, it’s the talk that you may be asked to give, or praying with someone, whatever it is, but mission is also choosing to stay up late with someone because you know that they need someone to talk to, or loving the person that no one else sees, or waking up early and choosing to pray before anything else happens in your day.

Mission is choosing to love when it is hard. Mission is seeking Jesus in the bright, big things, but also seeking Him in the small, manitous things. Mission is the little things that you say ‘yes’ to for Him that no will else will see or celebrate you in but you still do it because Jesus is worthy. Mission is laying your life down and saying that He is worthy even when everything in you is trying to run and hide and seek comfort in the things of this world. 

But mission is the only life worth living.

I can guarantee you that. 

Because when you live a life that is sold out and given all over to Him, sure, when your head hits the pillow at night, you are exhausted, but you can’t help but sign a breath of gratitude and whisper, ‘Jesus, You are worthy, let’s do it again tomorrow.’

You are called to mission. Yes, you.

But mission looks different for everyone. The only thing that matters is that you are obedient to what the Lord is calling you to in your life and then acting on that.

More than good deeds or the right words, Jesus wants to be loved by us hearing His word and acting in obedience to it.

So if it’s to be a missionary to the nations, a stay at home parent, a doctor, a teacher, a garbage man, whatever, let it be an act of love and worship to Him, a song of praise that you sing through it all, and a beautiful offering that you give to Him each and every day.

Because one call of mission to another is not better than one, all has such unique beauty and importance because Jesus has called you to it but also because we need YOU in THAT place as a MISSIONARY. 

Never let doubt creep in that your call to be a missionary in the place you are in is less than someone else. Let Jesus speak beauty and truth to your heart. And let Him speak the more that He has for you over your life. Trust in His promises and seek His voice to know where to go and step next.

Let your every moment be one of complete sacrifice and gift of mission to the One that has given everything to you.

Living a life of mission is the only one worth living. Let’s start living more like it every single day.